


we will be okay

by illrunwithyou



Series: angsty one shots [1]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Crying, Fainting, Gen, M/M, Not Eating, Some Fluff, Taehyun-centric, caring members, lowkey eating disorders but not really, lowkey taegyu centric, sorry taehyun, yeonbin if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:27:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23181721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illrunwithyou/pseuds/illrunwithyou
Summary: Taehyun has always had a problem with food.or,basically me projecting my love for Taehyun
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Kang Taehyun/Everyone
Series: angsty one shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698694
Comments: 5
Kudos: 150





	we will be okay

**Author's Note:**

> I lowkey wrote this on a whim. This is inspired by that tweet that said that Soobin said that Taehyun and Beomgyu are picky and have lots of leftovers and Yeonbin eat the leftovers (like real parents asjhalsjd). Also i lowkey projected my taegyu feels into this. Also also, as always, I did not proofread, sorry (we die like men).
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy :))
> 
> DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO EATING DISORDERS (taehyun does not have an eating disorder but they talk about them a little).

It was a known fact the Taehyun did not eat much. He started acting and being under a microscope since he was very young so he was used to a hectic schedule that allowed little time for bathroom breaks, let alone full meals. His mom was always worried about his thin limbs and trying to sneak in a little extra food in between shoots. However, Taehyun could never understand her worry as he looked the same as all the boys in his class. It was when the boys in his class started growing into their features that worry grew in Taehyun’s mind. They started their growth spurts and later loomed over Taehyun’s small, slim body. He always reassured himself that he was just a late bloomer, but it became harder and harder as he became a trainee. 

His days consisted of hours of dance practices and vocal lessons, with one hour breaks for meals. The meals were always high in carbs, cooked in lots of oil in order to fill up the trainees quickly and raise their blood sugar enough for the next practice session. This was a far cry from the homemade nutrition-rich foods that his mom always cooked at home. 

The first month as a trainee was filled with tears and hours on the training room floor as he did not have the energy to move from his slumped position. His Yeonjun hyung was his first hyung, only three years older and with a year of training time on him. He had stuck with Taehyun until the early mornings, helping him perfect his moves and expanding his vocal range even when their legs and their voices shook with overexertion. Yeonjun said nothing about Taehyun’s dislike of food and accepted his excuses that he ate a big meal or would eat later. 

The third month was when they both fell into a mundane routine of eat, practice, sleep, repeat. The third month, however, also brought them a new trainee named Choi Soobin (“Hey, we have the same surname!” Yeonjun had exclaimed when he first met the tall bunny-like boy. He had laughed, “Yeah, that must mean we were destined together”). They quickly formed a trio, more like a duo where Soobin and Yeonjun were the parents and Taehyun was their son, but nonetheless, the three trainees banded together. Taehyun knew that Soobin raised an eyebrow everytime he had lied his way out of a shared dinner, but he knew that Soobin was too nice to interfere with his life. Afterall, he was older in trainee years and could theoretically take care of himself (even if Taehyun sometimes showed his younger side and wanted cuddles). Soobin had questioned Yeonjun about Taehyun’s eating habits but Yeonjun shrugged it off as Taehyun had always been like that. They just wordlessly made sure to always pack an extra protein bar, make extra portions, and eat Taehyun’s leftovers, silently watching over the teenage boy. 

The ninth month of his trainee year brought the trio a bright-eyed boy with an adorable bowl cut (“Aigoo! I am sooo going to make fun of you for this hair when we change our hair!” Soobin cooed as Yeonjun ruffled the boy’s hair). They were surprised when they found out that Hueningkai was younger than Taehyun, as the boy had his moments of maturity and practically towered over his friend. The four bonded like no other as they found the prankster to their team. It was hard for Taehyun to warm up to Kai as he was used to always being the youngest (but when the adorable boy showed him his aegyo, Taehyun could not help but fall for the boy). Kai, being the hawk-eyed boy he is, noticed right off the bat that his same age friend would skip meals, opting to practice the most recent choreography rather than join the three for a meal. He had seen the way he would be engulfed by his own hoodies and the way his knees jab his back when they had cuddle piles and the way no one could put their head on his shoulder (not just because he was the shortest) because it was so bony. 

“Hyungs, have you guys ever noticed that Taehyun barely ever has a full meal? He eats several bites when he is with us but then he goes to a different room to practice and I can bet that he never orders extra food there.” Kai was worried about his friend. 

“He has been like this since I can remember, maybe he has just always been a picky eater or one not for food” Yeonjun’s head lifted from a tangled mess of his and Soobin’s limbs with the blanket. 

“Yeah, try not to worry too much. We will keep an eye on him but we need him to come to us first. Join our pile!” Soobin lifted open the covers and Kai jumped in, deciding to put his worries aside and enjoy his night off. 

(When Taehyun came home, he could not help but smile at the three sleeping giants and head back to his own room, laughing to himself at the cramps they would wake up with in the morning.)

A year and four months into the trainee period brought them Choi Beomgyu, a beautiful boy the same build as Taehyun, thin and small (“We have completed the Choi line!” Yeonjun and Soobin leapt and straddled the teenager in a hug). Ironically, he was also the missing piece to the lineup. A pentagon is one of the most stable shapes, not changing even as it rotates and falls on its edges, not weak as it always has a point to fend off the haters. A star, the other shape with five points, is one of the strongest shapes as there are five points always on the offensive and ready to fight (Taehyun cried thinking about this). 

Surprisingly, Beomgyu’s eating habits were similar to Taehyun’s, picky and not into having full meals. However, even after several months, Beomgyu had grew and gotten stronger with the practice as, despite not eating much, he learned to sit down to eat group meals and bond with the others. Focused as Taehyun is, he preferred to work on the trouble spots he had during the choreography rather than eat meals. In his opinion, they wasted precious time and it did not matter as to him, most foods either tasted bland and textureless or too overwhelming with its flavors and hard to stomach. 

As Beomgyu got more buff (combination of an increased appetite from group meals and dance practices that built muscle), Taehyun got thinner and weaker. His cheeks began losing its baby fat (much to the dismays of the other members as they loved to pinch his adorable cheeks). Frustration took over and Taehyun was rarely seen at the dorm as he was not satisfied until a dance or song was perfected, which at times took until the next morning (and he was still groggily practicing by the time the other members came in, with them forcing him to sit out on practice that day). 

It was two weeks after Bang PD had declared that they would be making their debut the following February and at first, excitement was high. After the excitement ran stale, the boys felt the immense amount of pressure to live up to their seniors, and tensions were high each day in the practice rooms. 

Taehyun had gone a day and a half without eating (unintentionally), and was practicing their future debut song. They had learned the intense choreography in just several days and were beyond exhausted. 

He had woken up with a raging headache that was far from going away and no energy in his body. It took all his power to go through vocal lessons and even then, he was the target of the trainer’s cruel remarks (“Did you trade voices with an elephant today?” “How could your vocal ability fall so much in one day?” “If you continue at this rate, we need to remove you from all your parts in the song.” to which he apologized profusely). He could see the worried looks the members shot him as he wobbled over to a couch, swallowing water by the mouthfuls, nearly choking at the amount going in. However, he did not care as his vision was fading in and out by then and his entire world was tainted by a feverish haze. 

“Do you think we should stop him before he pushes himself over the edge?” Beomgyu whispered to Soobin. 

“We need to keep an eye on him but we can’t keep the dance instructor waiting. We can only wait until after practice to confront him about this and get him some rest.” Everyone nodded at the leader’s words as Kai approached Taehyun to remind him that they had dance practice. Nodding, Taehyun let Kai help him up and support him over to the dance practice room. 

As they were stretching, they noticed that Taehyun was scratching his head and shaking his hair every few minutes, in an attempt to get rid of his headache. Ignoring it, they started practice. 

Not even thirty minutes in, Taehyun felt his feet trip over themselves. 

“Sorry guys, I am just a bit clumsy today” Taehyun smiled sheepishly. 

The members knew that Taehyun was **never** clumsy, but accepted his answer. 

“Do not let this become a problem, Kang Taehyun” the instructor warned. 

“Yes sir”

The small trips here and there turned into bumping into members’ backs, accompanied with hurried apologies, caused by the tilting of Taehyun’s world. No matter how much he worked to blink away the haziness, and the feeling of being on a seesaw, he could feel the nausea rising. His eyes drooped, despite the sweat dripping into his eyes and stinging them, and he progressively lost control of his body. His head felt heavy with pain, causing it to bob back and forth on a neck that felt too frail. Despite his best efforts, his eyes completely closed, and he grasped onto the closest arm, firmly whispering “I am going to faint” before tripping and the world turning black. 

Beomgyu was focused on the dance, watching his sweat drench his back and his hair, before he felt a hand grip at his arm, leaning their entire weight onto his arm. 

“I am going to faint.” 

Beomgyu turned around just in time to see Taehyun trip on his own shoelace and fall. Beomgyu’s own arms reached out and caught the boy just in time before his head collided with the hardwood floor. 

The members were there before Beomgyu could even cry for help, looming over the tiny boy. 

“Is he hurt?!” 

“I think he twisted his ankle!”

“Take off his shoes now!”

“Beomgyu hyung, what are you doing?! Put him down!”

Snapping out of a daze, he slowly lowered the boy to the ground, before Kai started undoing the laces of both shoes and pulling them off. Sure enough, his right ankle was slightly swelling, and judging by the pained groans when Yeonjun probed the ankle, he had twisted his ankle. 

The manager rushed in at that time, “Is he okay?!” 

“Yeah, but he is still not conscious and he has a twisted ankle.”

“Alright, Yeonjun, Soobin, Hueningkai, stay here and finish dance practice as best as you can-” he waved away the protests of the three boys, “- and Beomgyu, since you are already pretty much carrying him, I will drive you both back to the dorms and you take care of him until dance practice ends.”

With his heart pounding in his ears, Beomgyu positioned one arm under Taehyun’s knees and bridle-carried him to the van, strapping him tight before strapping himself in, keeping one arm around him at all times. 

Taehyun had woken up to the sensation of moving and bouncing of a car as well as the firm chest that he used as a pillow. Upon further glance, he realized that he was leaning into the chest of his Beomgyu hyung, as his hyung’s hand stroked his hair back. 

Seeing that his eyes were open, Beomgyu smiled and told him he could go back to sleep, and that they would be at home soon. Taehyun leaned into his comforting chest and fell back to sleep. 

Beomgyu and Taehyun were dropped off with a halt, and were left to their own devices as the manager had to run errands. Beomgyu wrapped Taehyun’s ankle, then put him to bed where he could sleep for the rest of the day. At dinner time, he woke him up and fed him some chicken soup, Taehyun’s stomach only able to handle a few spoonfuls and several bland crackers before he felt nauseous and begged to go back to sleep. Weak for his cuteness, Beomgyu tucked him back into bed. A loud bang symbolized the return of the members and Beomgyu could instantly hear Kai’s loud “Where is Taehyun?!” Beomgyu leapt from the bed to shush the members and assure that he was resting, and forced them to go to bed before they passed out as well. 

Taehyun woke the next day to Beomgyu laying out clothes on his bed and a slight pain in his ankle. He laid in bed as the events of the other day flooded back into his memory, fainting at practice and being carried and cared for by Beomgyu. 

Groaning, he got out of bed and was quickly assisted by Beomgyu, silently leading him out to the kitchen where Soobin was making soup. 

“Perfect, you are awake, we can have breakfast!” 

Breakfast was chicken soup with bread. Taehyun finished half of the soup and two thirds of the bread before declaring he had finished breakfast. The members were satisfied as that was the most they had seen him eat in one sitting for weeks. Rather than let him go back to bed, though, Yeonjun addressed the elephant in the room and ordered them all to sit on the couch to talk about “the incident”. Taehyun dreaded this because he was sure that they had assumed the worst when he had fainted. 

“So, should I start?” Yeonjun broke the silence, leaning in in an attempt to escape the awkward atmosphere. 

“I’m f-” 

“Please don’t say that, _hyung_ ,” Kai begged. He never called Taehyun hyung, and he knew this was serious, “you know we care for you right? Soobin and Yeonjun could not sleep at all last night and Beomgyu cared for you the entire time. We care for you so much so can you just please tell us what is going on?”

Taehyun took a deep breath, “First of all, I promise that I have never starved myself-” which got a lot of raised eyebrows from the members, “-I just never understood the point in sitting down for meals. I am not very good with food. Everything tastes the same to me and at this point, I just eat to survive. I also forget to eat often because to me, debuting is more important and perfecting my vocals and the dance is most important. Everything else takes the back seat.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything though? I knew that you did not like to eat but why did you take it to such extremes? Why did you suffer alone?” Yeonjun asked, eyes filled with pain as they had known each other for so many years, that Taehyun could not even confide in his first hyung. 

“It just was not that big a problem. I did not want to bother you with something I did not see as a priority.” 

“But was it not important to you to have energy to complete dance practice? You have been swaying during dance practice, albeit a little, for several weeks now. I know for sure you felt like your body was heavy at that time.” Hueningkai knew what this was like as his older sister had struggled with eating disorders in order to slim down to debut. She had fainted several times and cried that no matter how hard she dieted, she could not make her body feel lighter like it was supposed to. 

“I-I’m not sure. I thought it was just lack of sleep that caused the heaviness since I have never changed in my eating habits, or amount that I eat, and it has always been fine.”

“But this is different, I am sure you know. I speak from experience. Before, your life was less physically demanding and now, you have more energy expenditures but the same amount of fuel. You need to eat the same as more that what you are spending for training.” Beomgyu knew how hard it was to maintain the same lifestyle after becoming a trainee, so he had taken up eating group meals in order to stop feeling the exhaustion that came with hours of practice. 

“I did not know that, I just assumed I would adapt.” 

“Please, please eat, hyung begs you. I do not, none of us, want to see your lifeless body like that again. It was beyond scary. Please promise us you will try to eat more. We will help if it feels too hard,” Soobin pleaded. 

“I-I will try, but I think I will need lots of help.” Taehyun felt like crying. Yeonjun must have seen that because he pulled Taehyun in and started crying, whispering “we love you so so much baby”. The other members slowly joined in and it turned into a group hug with many tears. 

By the time they pulled away, it was already 10 AM, so they decided to take the day off with just the five of them and to take a movie day. 

Months slowly ticked by since that day and they grew closer to their debut. Taehyun had grown back some of his weight and had gotten back his baby cheeks (that Beomgyu obsessed over for an entire day). He was looking healthy and glowed during dance practices. 

When they debuted, however, fans started noticing how small Taehyun was and commented that he had to eat more and gain weight. Taehyun was flattered with the concern but started to feel self-conscious about his body and his size compared to the others. He felt that he was too small. With these thoughts, though, he felt like reverting back to the portion sizes he was familiar with all his life as it gave him a much needed sense of comfort. 

Beomgyu, however, had become extra attentive to Taehyun and was the main enforcer of his new diet since Beomgyu was the one who Taehyun fell onto and became scared that he would have to see his friend’s lifeless pale face more than once over their career. Beomgyu knew Taehyun had reverted to old habits when he stopped showing up at group meals and practically lived in practice rooms for a week straight. Worried, Beomgyu started staying with Taehyun in practice rooms and ordering food when he neglected a meal. Taehyun put up with it until one day he snapped and could not take his intense mothering. 

“Why do you care so much if I miss a meal or two? It does not affect you in any way!”

Turning around to face Taehyun, Beomgyu looked offended, “What are you talking about? I am just here to practice the dance as well. Do you think you are the only one who works hard?”

“Don’t think I can’t tell, you think I am going back to what I used to do and you think you can stop it! Well I am tired of you guys taking control of my body! It is MY body and I do what I want with it!” 

Rather than getting mad, Beomgyu grew worried, “You guys? Baby, who has been saying things about your body?” 

Immediately realizing his mistake, Taehyun drew himself smaller, “It’s nothing, just some fans commenting on how small I am,”

“So you thought that by eating less you could get bigger?” Beomgyu was confused. 

“No! It was just what was most comfortable to me. I want to give up on this new diet, this whole newer portions thing because obviously it is not working, I am still not gaining enough and not good enough for the fans,” Taehyun was sitting at a corner of the room at this point, knees pulled in, looking even smaller. 

Beomgyu kneeled next to his friend, “Hey, it is okay. We will be okay. It will be okay. Those fans do not know what they are talking about. Remember that your goal with the diet is not to gain weight or make others happy, it is to make yourself happy and to give you more energy during dance practices so you can be at 100% all the time.”

“But I am not good enough for them, I hate myself. Why can’t I just be better?” Taehyun raised his arms for a hug from his hyung, which he automatically obliged to. 

“Baby, but you are enough for me, you are enough for the members. We love you so much, and we have seen you in the morning with bad breath and we have seen you at night when you sleep with your eyes open and it scares us all to death. We have seen you through pretty much everything and we would never trade you for anyone else. You are not here to please anyone else. As long as you are enough for yourself, your goal in this world is done. Remember that you only spent all your life with one person and that is yourself. You would not hate anyone else like this, so why would you do this to the single most important person in your life?” Beomgyu hugged Taehyun tighter as he sobbed and repeated the words “I’m so sorry” over and over again. 

“Hey, look at me. I know you want to apologize and you can let it all out of your system because that is what you need but just know that you have nothing to be sorry for, not if it comes to being yourself. If it makes you feel better saying it, then who am I to stop you? But do not apologize for being yourself, it is their fault for not appreciating you the way you are. Remember what BTS sunbaenims said?” 

Curious, Taehyun looked up from his teary embrace and shook his head. 

“Love yourself. You were fanboying over Jungkook for so many years and could not even understand the meaning of the songs he was singing? Tsk” 

Laughing, Taehyun hit Beomgyu, already feeling better. 

“Wh-What did you do to make y-yourself feel better?” 

“I worked out. Hey, maybe someday I could take you to work out with me so you will learn the importance of eating healthy!”

“Sounds good,” Taehyun stood up, “Let’s clean up before manager-hyung yells at us for trashing another dance room,” 

Ruffling his hair, Beomgyu stood up and started cleaning. 

Months passed with intense schedules and even their first comeback. The end of the year was approaching and they were filming To Do. They needed to arm wrestle and Taehyun was nervous. This would be one of the first time he is revealing his muscles to the viewers for the first time. Moas have always seen Taehyun as the tiny thin baby who is basically a noodle. Not today, today they would see that Taehyun is actually the second strongest in TXT, even surpassing the acclaimed Choi Beomgyu who led him through his first workout session. 

Their first anniversary came and went, and it was soon the middle of March when Soobin was filming a VLive and asked about Taehyun’s muscles. Proudly, he finally fully flexed his biceps in front of fans, even comparing his muscles to Soobin’s lack of muscles. He was proud, finally, of his body. He finally filled out his frame and the new diet they worked so hard on finally stuck as he realized the importance of food when it came to working out. He had something to build upon and work for. Food was still a burden to eat but he knew that it was a stepping stone so he could work out later. He felt energized each day despite their hectic schedules. Everything was okay.


End file.
